It’s no secret that being a parent is one of the most challenging jobs there is. But it also happens to be one of the most rewarding and important ones as well. Being a positive role model in your child’s life can have such a profound impact on them for years to come. So in this article, we’ll go over 5 common mistakes that parents make and what you can do instead to help you develop traits that will make you a good parent.
Traits That Make Up Good Parents
Nitpicking is when parents look for small or unimportant errors or faults which leads them to unnecessarily criticize their child.
The problem with this is that when you are constantly nitpicking your child they may come to believe that they can do nothing right leading them to create faulty beliefs about themselves and their abilities.
While having your child being able to do things correctly it is also important for your child to know that it’s okay to make mistakes sometimes and that most people can learn from the mistakes they make. So if you want to stop having to nitpick and nag your child.
Start teaching your child how to handle responsibility. While most parents would find something to nitpick and correct their child about. Use these opportunities to let your child learn from their mistakes.
This isn’t about shying away from teaching your children how to do something correctly because you do want to teach this skill. It’s just about allowing children the freedom to explore and learn without their parents nitpicking them.
Another benefit of this way of parenting is that when your children feel like you are on their team they are much more willing to listen and obey.
The second mistake parents make is:
2. They Aren’t Involved
Children from newborns to teens thrive from their parent’s involvement during play, school, sports, etc. Studies have shown the impact that parents have on their children’s academics.
Children whose parents are involved are more likely to have higher grades and testing scores. Parental involvement is also important for young children since it can impact a child’s cognitive development.
The key is to increasing your involvement in your child’s life is by using this easy trick called Power Time. This is when you find activities that you and your child both like doing together. Even if it is by setting specific time aside to help with homework.
When using Power Time you are letting your child know the specific time they can expect to spend time with you. When parents don’t make time for their children or don’t follow through, it can start driving a wedge between a parent and child since the child doesn’t want to continue to have their feelings hurt.
Okay, now that you know that scheduling power time is important this can open the doors to your child questioning if this is going to continue to happen. This is where the next common mistake comes in. If you find that your child is nagging you about getting help with homework or about having to schedule time together then you may be
3. Lacking Consistency
When you lack consistency you are setting up opportunities for your child to nag. This happens all the time in people’s homes.
Let’s go over an example
Child: “Mom, mom, mom! can we watch tv yet?”
Mom: “Not right now”
Child: ” why not! Just one tv show please!”
Mom: “I said not right now! ”
Child: “You never let us watch tv!”
These types of conversations put both parent and child in a frustrated state of mind. Now the parent either gives in to their child’s nagging or overpowering and gives the child some form of punishment.
Now, this doesn’t mean you have to always do what the child nags of you right then and there. You want to find ways to distract their attention elsewhere.
Trick 1. This is called diversion therapy
You want to make it easy to finish up your task but allow your child to know when they can expect you. It’s important to realize that setting boundaries are very crucial to having a successful parent-child relationship. In fact, successful parents do this all the time.
They let their child know when they can expect them that way their child feels no need to nag or remind.
The easiest way you can use this method is to simply say
“I need to finish what I am doing so give me 20 minutes and I’ll come help”
or “I don’t have the time for that right now. But I do it in 30 minutes”
Instead of giving in or punishing when your child nags you about spending time with them. Now you just don’t want to quickly dive into boundary-setting without hearing what your child has to say. This leads us to our next common mistake which is.
4. Parents often leave no room for their children to express their opinions.
Parents often leave no room for their children to express their opinions. They may be too busy or think that their children are not old enough to have a say in decisions. However, it is important to involve your children in family decisions whenever possible.
Children feel more invested and empowered when they are included in the decision-making process. They are also more likely to cooperate with plans that they have had a hand in creating. The next time you’re facing a family decision, try involving your children in the process especially if you have a strong-willed child. You may be surprised at how much they have to contribute.
Trick 2: Pause and hear what your child has to say before moving on.
This will encourage your child to feel more comfortable about sharing their thoughts, feelings, or opinions. If you are constantly cutting your child off when they start sharing their opinions they are going to start holding stuff in and withdrawing since they don’t feel like what they have to say is important.
To get your child to open up and share their opinions you want to
Trick 3: Validate their response
When you are validating your child’s response, you are letting them know that what they have to say is important.
These types of responses that validate your child’s opinions instantly make them feel like a valued member of the family and can help grow their self-confidence.
Let’s go through a step-by-step example that you can use in your life.
Before your teen leaves the house to hang out with their friends you calmly remind them of their curfew and they give push back by asking if they could stay out later.
Open up the discussion by asking how late they think they should stay out
Next, you want to validate their response then give your opinion while still validating theirs.
Then you want to work together to find a win-win solution that works for the both of you.
This will show you that you trust your child and value their options while still establishing boundaries and consequences if your child doesn’t follow through on their end.
Okay, now that we have touched on validating your child’s opinions it’s now time to talk about the last common mistake.
5. Parents set up a double standard for their children by not holding themselves accountable.
Your child isn’t going to be motivated to want to develop healthy habits of self-control if you don’t model it first as the parent. They will only do what they see. Here are 2 great tricks that successful parents do and they are both really easy.
The first one is to:
Trick 4: Model Accountability
This means that not only do you hold your children accountable but you hold yourself accountable as well. You can do this by
- Taking full responsibility for your actions and by
- Think about the outcomes of your actions before making a decision
The second trick is to
Trick 5: Show Accountability by Making Corrections
This is very similar to the previous track but now you are making direct corrections to your behavior. Instead of stating the correction as a criticism, communicate to yourself that it’s an opportunity for growth.
When you can apply this trick to your children they will feel more accepted and more understood.
It’s important to keep in mind here that the goal of parenting is not to just get your child to behave the way that you see fit. The goal of parenting is to mold your children into responsible, loving adults who you can say would make a positive impact in this world when they grow up.
These 5 traits that make up a good parent can help you grow and start to become the parent you want to be. Good parents are patient, loving, protective, and nurturing.
They provide their children with guidance and support, while also teaching them how to be independent. Good parents instill values in their children and help them grow into responsible adults.
There are many different ways to be a good parent, but these five traits are essential. If you can focus on becoming more patient, loving, protective, and nurturing, you will be well on your way to being the best parent you can be.