I miss you.
Why do I miss you?
Well, because it has been a few days maybe even weeks since I’ve seen you. To be honest I don’t even remember the last time I used you.
More often than not, my hair is greasy, my legs are hairy, and all I have time for is to quickly put deodorant on.
I miss the warmth you provide.
I miss your soothing sounds.
I miss how relaxed I feel when I use you.
I miss being clean.
I miss you, period…
Most days you see me in my hubby’s clothes, using the bathroom to get 2 minutes to my self ( if I’m lucky) and you might see me put on at least mascara.
On rare occasions, I do use you, although it is usually to quickly rinse off vomit, pee, or any other smells as a mom I may have.
I may even be lucky enough to take my mom bun out that I have been redoing every morning and wash my hair that I once used to do.
I am sorry that I have not been able to clean you in months.
I am sorry for the countless tears you’ve washed away.
Sometimes I am so exhausted by the end of the day that I rather go to bed. Because In the morning my sleeping child will wake and my messy, crazy, and busy day starts again.
I know you are not being used as much. It may seem like I have no need for you. But the truth is I do need you. But, I am sorry I don’t use you as much.
This is my apology to you for not being able to use you more often. But, I have my reasons. There are things I am not apologizing for.
I am not sorry for making sure my child’s needs are ahead of my own.
I am not sorry that my showers are often cut short because my crying child needs my love.
I am not sorry for spending quality time playing, getting messy, or going on new adventures with my child.
I am not sorry for my extra jiggly bits and tiger-striped skin you wash.
I am not sorry that I don’t take showers as much as I used to.
I am not sorry for loving my child more than you.
I may be embarrassed by the way I look and possibly smell but I have become strong on the inside. And a strong mama is who my child needs.
Thank you for holding the endless pile of bath toys. My child laughs so hard when she splashes in you.
See here is the thing. Some things have changed since our precious angel entered our home. My time is spent focused on her than on myself. My duties have changed, my actions have changed, my routine has changed. My child is my priority and even though I use you less does not mean I no longer need you.
But the shower, I’m still sorry…
Thanks for being there when I do use you. You help me to feel re-energized, you wash my stress away and help me to feel clean.
I am sorry for your lack of use. Don’t worry I know about self-care. I know it’s important to take care of my needs, but nothing comes before my child even if that means I see less of you.