Parents want their children to grow up happy, healthy, and prosperous. They instead give a punishment. But how do we make sure our children grow up to be happy and successful? We need to start teaching them from a young age, so the lessons stick with them for their whole life – starting now! Here are some things NOT to teach your children.
Make sure to read the entire article because you don’t want to—lesson #8.
1. Mistakes are bad.
That’s what many parents teach their children, but it is the wrong way to think about mistakes. Teaching your child that making mistakes is a bad thing will only hurt them in the long run.
When a child has made a mistake, parents do at least 1 of these 4 things.
Positive Reinforcements: It means that a parent rewards their child with something they want, such as a new toy, clothes, or even an ice cream cone.
Negative Reinforcements: When a parent punishes their child for making a mistake, it could be taking away something like TV time or not going out and playing with friends.
Positive Punishment: When a parent punishes their child by making them do something they don’t like. Such as doing extra chores or having to write an essay on what they did wrong.
Negative Punishment: This is when parents punish their children by not giving them anything that they want. For example, if your child wants to play video games and makes a mistake, their video game time is taken away.
Parents tend to use either 3 or 4 to punish their children for the mistake they made.
It’s important to note that research has shown that children who get punished learn how to avoid punishment and not learn from their mistakes.
So what can be done instead of punishing your child when they make a mistake. First, it’s essential to understand that errors help children learn and grow. Secondly, you can teach your child how to handle the error they made and not let it happen again.
Mistakes are an opportunity for a parent and their children to learn from what went wrong in the situation. That way, they can adequately understand how to handle future problems that come up.
Finally, the best way for a parent to help their child learn from mistakes is by teaching them what went wrong and how they can fix it in the future and move on with life. That’s one of the essential lessons a parent can teach their children.
2. They Shouldn’t Express Their Emotions
Parents get overwhelmed when their children express their negative emotions. Which can lead parents to say “stop crying” or “stop making a sense” It’s ok for their children to tell how they feel! They often do not know what to do or say when this happens, so they find themselves in a difficult situation.
When a parent’s child is distressed, the parent usually focuses on the punishment instead of the behavior. The behavior is inconvenient to parents so rather than figuring out what is causing them to be upset, and they give a punishment instead.
This type of response can have a significant impact on children. It can #1 Teach a child that they are the ones who are deficient. #2 That you should feel shameful about express any negative emotions. #3 That their parent’s feelings are more important than theirs.
It may lead to a child not trusting in their parents or any adults in their lives, which can cause children to bottle up their emotions until later they explode because they can’t keep it in any longer.
When children bottle up their emotions, it can lead to anger issues, entitlement, low self-esteem, and they may even start to feel depressed.
Parents should remember that their children’s feelings are as important as theirs.
What to teach instead is
Encourage children to find more appropriate ways of expressing emotions that are not so disruptive for others or don’t harm anyone else’s needs.
Children cannot process their emotions healthily and constructively, so negative emotions get expressed in destructive ways.
You may also encourage your children to play creatively, which can also help get out pent-up emotions.
Just because you accept your child’s emotions doesn’t mean you get their behavior.
Validate their emotions and work with them through the situation. Suppose they are throwing a tantrum or fussing in public. Take them to a quiet place and sit with them until they are calm.
You must work with your child to get them out of the negative state and back into a positive one.
3. Don’t Be A Tattle-Tell
Children get told that tattle-telling is something they should not do. It can drive parents up the wall because they feel like their child is constantly trying to get someone in trouble.
But, the truth is that tattle-telling can be done in the proper context and has some benefits to your child. Telling someone who is doing something wrong or harmful to others gives them a chance for redemption. It also helps parents understand what their child needs from them as well as keeping everyone safe.
Tattle-telling drives parents crazy. Because tattle-telling presents a problem, they instead give a punishment—leading parents already have enough issues to deal with that they don’t want to deal with another.
Children who tattle tell are asking for your help with a challenging situation. Learning how to work out a problem effectively takes lots of time, practice, and guidance. Children aren’t born knowing how to solve problems, so they tattle to get when with a problem help when faced with a problem.
So the next, your child comes tattle-telling to you instead of blowing it off or getting mad at them. Try being empathic towards what your child is saying. Yes, they may not be the most reliable source of information. But that is where you can help each party figure out a solution to their problem.
The better children get at problem-solving, the less tattle-telling to do.
4. Sharing Is A Must
Parents encourage their children to share toys and play with other kids, but sometimes this isn’t the best idea. When children share against their will, they develop negative associations with sharing and the person they are to share with.
Sharing is a skill that many adults take for granted, but it’s not always so easy to grasp the concept when you’re just starting. Young children have trouble understanding what others are feeling and cannot see things from another child’s perspective—leading them to be selfish or mean-spirited with their sharing habits. Forcing your toddler into situations where they need to share doesn’t teach social skills. Instead, this may send messages we don’t want our toddlers believing about themselves and may even increase how often tantrums happen!
No one, even adults don’t like to share their personal belongings. It can cause your to feel anxious and nervous if the borrower is going to take good care of your item or if they are ever going to get it back and, if so, when.
Children get very possessive over their toys. It may seem like no big deal to an adult, but it is a massive deal to a child when forced to share a toy.
So instead of focusing your child on sharing his toy. Teach them how to make sharing fair by trading or find ways they can both play with the same toy.
To help avoid your child growing as a people-pleaser, the child needs to learn how and when they can say no. Or they may spread themselves too thin, always trying to please others.
5. You are love, if…
Many parents have such high expectations that their children feel like they have to behave a sure way to feel loved and accepted. Can lead to resentment, confusion, and anger.
Children should feel and know that they are loved no matter their behaviors or the emotions that they express. It’s good for parents to set age-appropriate expectations for their children. But they need to make sure that their children’s efforts don’t go unnoticed.
It is crucial not only for parents but also other family members (like grandparents) who may be involved in raising a child from birth, understand this concept too! When you love someone unconditionally, there will never be any questions about how much you care for them.
6. That Children Must Always Obey
Children are going to disobey at times, but that doesn’t mean you have to give up. Parents and children both need to work together for the child to want to obey. Sometimes if a parent is too strict or demanding, it can lead to the child not obeying.
Asking a child to do something is always better than being demanding.
Children want to be respected, and they need space for their own choices sometimes, too, as long as the parent provides the necessary boundaries. Children will want to obey because they know what’s expected of them when there isn’t any confusion about rules or expectations. If you’re concerned with your child not wanting to listen, then try making sure he knows why he’s being asked to do things so he can feel like his thoughts matter too.
7. Asking question is annoying
Don’t you just love it when your kids ask questions? But sometimes, parents teach their children an unintended lesson – that asking questions is wrong or annoying. But it’s okay for their children to ask questions! I know it can be annoying at times, but the truth is that they are learning and trying to figure out how the world around them works.
Suppose your child asks you a question that you don’t know or you are unsure about. Instead of giving the typical “I don’t know” response, try saying, “That’s a great question; let’s find out together!”
Suppose you are getting tired of all the questions. It’s okay for YOU to say that you no longer want to answer questions for a time. But what about the times where it’s just one question after another?
If your child can write, you may even want to suggest that they write their questions down so that the both of you can go over them at a later time.
8. Laziness is unacceptable
It’s important to teach our kids that relaxation is part of a healthy lifestyle. Sometimes they need the chance to slow down and enjoy life, but it can be hard when parents constantly push them in one direction or another.
Children don’t need to have jam-packed schedules. Being too busy robs children of the opportunity to be with themselves. Giving children downtime helps with three things.
Helps children with emotional regulation and destressing
It helps children be more creative
Unstructured downtime is not only necessary for kids but adults too. To be a well-rounded person, children need time alone. Parents should give them when they can because it will make the child more independent in life and people skills are very important.
9. You’re wise if you get good grades
If we teach children that their level of intelligence is measured solely by their grades, then we aren’t teaching them to be good at other things. And if they are really into sports, art, music, or dance- those can also serve as an outlet and help build confidence too! It’s easy to encourage kids with this in mind: Einstein said, “if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live thinking for the rest of its life that it is stupid.”
Most children need encouragement, so they stay motivated enough about school and get good grades. However, when children get good grades, they may start to associate good grades with success.
Instead, parents should teach their kids to work hard to gain knowledge but not get wrapped up in getting good grades.
An alternative to grades may be a growth mindset. Parents can encourage kids to adopt this by praising the effort, not necessarily intelligence and good qualities.
10. It’s Important To Fit In
There’s a lot of pressure on parents to want their children to fit in. They don’t want them to be an outcast or get bullied by other kids because they are different. But what happens when your child doesn’t fit in? That’s the question that many parents ask themselves.
Peer pressure is expected as young people try to figure out their identities, and it can seem like fitting into the mold with everyone else is the only way for them to get through life.
But life’s not all sunshine and rainbows. Being unique has its perks; being different allows us each our own identity that makes up society at large: which means we’re important! Sometimes parents worry when they see their kid struggling to fit in. Still, instead of encouraging them to do what everybody does or liking what everybody likes. We should teach kids how strong individuality is by reinforcing uniqueness within themselves every single day.”
11. They Can’t Always Get What They Want
It’s never too early to start teaching children that they can’t always get what they want. It may seem like a harsh lesson, but it is one of the most important ones we will ever teach them! The sooner kids learn this lesson, the better off everyone will be.
Studies have shown that parents are spending more and more money on their kids every year! The total amount of money parents spend on their children has increased by 40% over the last decade.
The significant problem is that it teaches kids that they are entitled to everything and don’t need to work hard for what they want in life! They grow up never realizing how quickly things can change or how important it is to save money for more important things in life.
Before you go and buy something for your child, first decided if the item is something your child needs. Saving money doesn’t make you a bad parent.
It’s important to teach children to be responsible with money and use money as a tool and not for entertainment. Is it okay to buy and toy or treat occasionally? Of course, but don’t overdo it.
You want to build a relationship with your children based on the essential things rather than strictly having a transactional relationship with your children.
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