Home Blog

Must Use Positive Parenting Strategies

Positive Parenting is a buzzword that’s been going around for quite some time, but what does positive parenting mean? And more importantly to you – will it work in your household?

In this video, I will share with you these 12 Positive Parenting Strategies and how you can start integrating them into your home today. 

  • Give ______ Choices That You Are _______ With
  • Establish _________ A Head Of Time
  • Tell Your Child Why They ______ Do Instead of What They ______ Do
  • Don’t ______Part Of The ________
  • Look _____ The Behavior Instead of the _____ Itself
  • Use _____ Discipline 
  • Be _____ And ________
  • Establish _____ Around Family _______
  • Connection Before _________
  •  Use Time ____ Rather Than Time Outs
  •  Be ____ But ______
  •  Avoid ______, _____ &__________

If you are unaware of what positive parenting is. You may think that it’s parenting with no consequences or discipline for your children’s destructive behaviors. Contrary to popular belief, though, it doesn’t necessarily imply giving them everything they want just because they’re “nice.” The first strategy to use while still maintaining love as an essential element through empathy and understanding is to…

Give Two Choices That You Are Okay With 

When a child is born, parents are 100 percent in control of their child’s life, from eating, sleeping, and what to wear. As their child continues to grow, the child starts to slowly gain a sense of self, leading them to push back or fight to gain some control over their life.

Positive parenting allows parents to give their children small amounts of control, leading them to push back much less. This is done by offering your child two choices. The first choice being the one you want, and the second choice being the one you control.

This works because parents are okay with either choice their child chooses. When parents can  

Establish Expectations A Head Of Time

This helps set up a kid for success because they know what is expected from them; it also helps them make sense of potential discipline if their behavior calls for it. This can benefit the child and parents alike by ensuring that everyone knows how to react when certain situations arise.

Not only will set expectations for your children have an impact on their future successes, but….

Tell Your Child What They Can Do Instead of What They Shouldn’t Do

It is a must-use positive parenting strategy. Instead of just telling your child “no” with no explanation or options for what they can do instead. Since this can lead your child confused and possibly upset at the answer given. Try telling your child what they can do instead.

Now, does this mean that the use of the word “no” is no longer used?

Of course not! Positive parents highlight their children’s options rather than just shutting them down since this creates a very different experience. The constant use of the word “no” can easily frustrate a child leading the parent and child to have tension.

However, when parents can drop the rope they

Don’t Become Part Of The Problem 

When a parent gets involved in an argument or fight with their children, they become a part of the problem. This is because they have entered a control battle with their child. 

Positive parents know that they give themselves and their child a chance to cool off before discussing the situation further when they drop the rope. That they won’t become part of the problem. Therefore allowing parents to 

Look beneath the behavior instead of the behavior its self

Children often misbehave for reasons that do not seem rational to their parents. There are always underlying factors behind these behaviors, and it is essential to address the root causes of why a child would act this way to change their behavior. 

Parents can reach out openly and drill down, not grill, their child to find the root cause by asking them questions and using active listening to the core of the problem. 

Their children will feel acknowledged by those who love them most. An open dialogue between parent(s) and children should happen as soon as possible so no more time goes wasted on childish antics since drilling down helps parents know the reason behind the challenging behaviors, which can help parents avoid them in the first place.

If discipline is needed then, positive parents can work with their children to find more. 

Gentle Discipline

Options. Punitive punishment produces the Four Rs Resentment, Rebellion, Revenge, and Retreat, which do not help a child learn – According to Jane Nelsen in Positive Discipline: The First Three Years.

Punishing children for misbehavior causes them resentful reactions, which may cause more bad behavior down the line because it is their only means of rebellion. This can lead to revenge-seeking behaviors and a retreat into themselves where there are no consequences from the outside world.

It is much more effective to settle and highly emotional children with a positive response and helps them learn the appropriate behaviors. Time-out is widely criticized because most parents don’t know how to use it correctly – time-out isn’t meant to be a punishment; however, how many parents are using it!

With isolation and restriction of movement paired with secondary punishments like lecturing or shaming the child, time-outs end up being ineffective towards getting children calmed down enough to learn something from their mistakes. That’s why it is important for parents to 

BE CLEAR AND BE CONSISTENT

Since it helps parents be clear on what consequences their children might face if they violate limits, the tone of voice parents use is important to explain these consequences. Explain consequences using a friendly and not heavy-handed tone of voice. This will make it easier for kids to understand how serious things are but still keep them in a light mood to learn from mistakes without feeling too guilty, hurt or scared because parents were mad at them all day long with no breaks. Remember: following through means, you don’t say something unless you mean it! This is true when you go to 

Establish Boundaries Around Family Values

Being firm with boundaries can serve as encouragement rather than discouragement if executed correctly!

The boundaries you set for your children are essential to having a successful, positive relationship with them. When parents have and enforce the right kind of boundary, it allows us to be patient and feels respected in our relationships. This is because when things go as they should, then all parties involved remain calm and respectful towards one another’s needs being satisfied. Hence, everyone gets what they want out of those exchanges too! 

When family values back boundaries, it makes it easier for both parents and child to follow. Since these types of boundaries allow flexibility instead of hard-set, comply only rules. Parents can work with their children to find ways to honor their family values still while still allowing some flexibility which helps to build

Connection Before Asking For Cooperation

Children need to feel a connection to adults so they will listen. A child feels connected with their parents, then they’re more likely to follow through on something when asked by one of those trusted connections. If your kids are going through some rough patches and have escalated behaviors, try having an extra bonding moment or two during this time instead of with punishment, which can only make things worse.

Punishment does nothing productive in children’s behavior because it just turns out to be at odds with the parent. Instead of using disciplines such as time-outs or other forms of discipline. Positive parents can 

Use Time In’s Rather Than Time Outs

The goal of positive parenting is to build and maintain your relationship with your child while also raising a person who will do good in the world. Time-out sends the message that we can’t deal with our child’s behavior, that we don’t want to see the part of them that is loud and angry and messy. 

It pushes you apart from one another, which makes it difficult for both parties involved. The time spent together during “time-in” or being present helps strengthen all relationships between parent/child. By recognizing they need love no matter their mood on any given day!

Time-in doesn’t mean that everyone has perfect days full of sunshine, happiness, and skipping through fields hand in hand together. 

Instead, it means acknowledging one another while being there for whatever comes up during any given day. Whether we can see eye-to-eye about something or not. Time-ins work best when parents can be

Be firm but loving

So many parents who want to be positive end up being the opposite because they are passive or are inconsistent. But it doesn’t have to be that way! You can show your kids love while still expecting high standards and enforcing them consistently. However, you must first decide on what boundaries will work for you. Then communicate those with a calm tone of voice as needed when lovingly reminding your child about these important expectations. When a discipline or boundary needs to be enforced, it’s important to 

Avoid Shaming, Blaming & Punishments

Phrases such as “Stop acting like a baby!”

“What is your problem.”

“Stop being such a brat.”

All have a shaming effect, making your child feel bad about themselves. Parents can’t tell their children they’re acting like a baby and expect them to behave in different ways. Not only does this harm their self-esteem, but it also reinforces the identity of someone who behaves that way.

For example, every time you call out your daughter about her behavior, she will think of herself as bad or mean because those are things people say when they see her doing something wrong. Not just for one instance! You should try giving feedback without inducing feelings of shame so that children won’t always feel ashamed of themselves. Which would then cause an increase in problematic behaviors such as aggression towards others and anger problems. 

Positive parenting is not the same as permissive parenting. Positive parenting is a philosophy that prioritizes teaching children the right thing to do, not just because it’s what others want. This focus leads parents to be more intentional about how they respond when their child doesn’t follow through with something expected of them. As well as it also provides kids with an environment where certain expectations are met in order for them to grow into responsible adults who appreciate being kind even if there isn’t any other benefit from doing so.

They don’t use manipulation such as bribery to get their kids to do what they ask; instead, discipline comes from being clear on expectations and explaining why the child needs to follow that rule.

What You Should Do Next

Check Out These Articles

 Peaceful Parenting Methods To Use In 2021

Daily Habits To Enhance a Parent-child Relationship

How To Repair Your Relationship With Your Child After You Yell

Subscribe To My Newsletter

Sign up for my newsletter and get weekly positive parenting tips to learn how to parent from a place of peace, love, and connection.

Follow Me On Social Media

Get daily parenting tips to help you become the parent you want to be, and be surrounded by other amazing mothers like you! Come and follow me on social media!

Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCeNkPxRvKsxqldf7XkLhTNg

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/karaferwerda_parentingcoach/

Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/dollarmommyclub/

TikTok: https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMeLnn1P1/

Learn More About Group Coaching

Do you want to dive deeper into your parenting journey and become the parent you want to be even quicker? Come and join me and other amazing mothers who want to learn how to become the parent they have always dreamt of becoming. You will be surrounded by love, support and will be able to make connections with other like-minded mothers.

Learning more by emailing me at dollarmommyclub@gmail.com. I look forward to hearing from you!

9 Self Care Tips For Busy Moms

Parents have many responsibilities ranging from making dinner, cleaning the house, running their children to various activities while ensuring everyone’s needs are being taken care of. This makes it difficult for many moms to be able to meet their own needs.

Self Care is important for all of us; it allows us to feel better, be more productive, and meet the needs of others. Self-care can include several different things such as exercise, reading books and magazines, taking a bath, or even simply sitting down to have lunch alone. Self-care is not selfish!

Children need to see their moms taking care of themselves so that their children will practice self-care in the future.

If you are a busy mom who struggles with self-care. Keep reading to exactly how you can fit it into your busy schedule.

We have all been told by experts that practicing self-care is important. But things are sometimes easier said than done. When it comes to self-care, three main myths come up.

3 Self Care Myths

Myth #1: Self-care is selfish

Fact: Most moms understand that taking care of themselves is essential. However, they don’t usually permit themselves to take care of themselves! They are often concerned if a family member or friend is struggling with their self-care.

Mom’s feel selfish if they take 5 minutes away from their children or have babysitters come over so they can have a night out with friends.

Myth #2: Scrolling Through Social Media Is A Form Of Self Care

Fact: Moms need to sit down and relax. But scrolling through Instagram isn’t self-care. It’s numbing. Self-care is defined as “the practice of taking action to preserve or improve one’s health”. Scrolling through social media doesn’t accomplish that. Social media can harm your permit mental and emotional health. Avoid any addictive, compulsive, or harmful things to your mind and body. Self-care practices should be supporting your health and wellness.

Myth #3: Self-care requires outside resources that you may not have.

Fact: Self-care is often viewed as a luxury that many moms have neither the time nor the money to enjoy. However, take it into your own hands and make it less costly by thinking outside traditional ideas like paid spa days or tropical vacations.

It can be as simple as doing 10 minutes of mindfulness meditation per day, or you could do some yoga stretches at home (if you’re not doing this already!). Even something simple such as taking an Epsom salt bath is considered low cost yet effective for rebooting our minds and bodies during stressful times!

Here are some things you can do today to get into the habit of practicing self-care.

3 Self Care Steps

1. Make Self-care part of your morning routine: 

Self-care begins first thing in the morning — when we start our day! How parents approach their mornings directly influences what happens during the rest of their day.  Studies show that creating positive will influence your thoughts and actions throughout the day, so why not consider adding Self-care.

2. Self-care is a daily act

The basis of self-care is to perform an action that will benefit your health and well-being regularly. It doesn’t have to be limited to once or twice per month; it can happen as often as you need it to without feeling guilty!

3. Find something you love for self-care

Whether it’s a few minutes of exercise, reading a book in the mornings, or making time for breakfast with your kids. Self-care is all about YOU!

You’ll want to try different things until you find what works best for you and your needs. Especially when stepping out of your comfort zone to practice self-care. If one thing doesn’t work, you can always try something new again tomorrow.

If you are not sure where to start, either because it is new to you or you are unsure of what you love doing for self-care.

Here are some ideas

#1 Meditate

A great way to recharge is by meditating. It has health benefits, too: Some research suggests that meditation practice may help reduce anxiety and depression while improving your sleep quality in the process! If you’re new to this type of relaxation technique. There are apps like Expectful (which is specifically designed for pregnant women), Calm, or Headspace, which can get you started on some beginner’s lessons.

#2 Journal

You might not know where to start when you’re feeling overwhelmed. But as it turns out, putting your thoughts on paper can be a great way to get everything off of your mind. That way you have more time and energy for the other things in life!

You should start by looking at guided journals- they come with prompts or topics already laid out for you. Taking 30 seconds each night after work to jot down what’s going through your head will help you feel better equipped during tough times.

#3 Go for a walk

Taking a walk is one of the easiest ways to recharge. Walking offers fresh air, change in scenery, and physical activity, which all offer chances for resetting your mental health! The American Psychological Association states that “walking can be a refreshing way to recharge your mental resources during the workday instantly.”

#4 Reach out to someone 

Talk to someone! Self-care is not always easy because we are focused on being perfect moms, wives, and employees. If you find it hard reaching out to friends, there are many online support groups like Parenting Without Drama or other mindful mother groups. You may also consider joining a Facebook group for mothers and connect with other women going through the same things as you. Peer support offers help when asking for advice from others while making connections.

#5 Go Off social media For A Day

For those who feel like their social media apps are constantly draining you of energy, going off the grid for a few hours can do big things to improve your mental health! Temporarily delete or hide your go-to social media app from your phone. Disable notifications so that you conserve more time and energy. You might be amazed at how much better it is when not worrying about what other people are doing all day!

#6 Make time for things you love

Do you have a favorite hobby that others may not understand? Self-care lets you take time to do things important to you, whether it’s reading, writing, or knitting. It’s about spending time on something that helps you unwind and feel good.

#7 Volunteer

Volunteering isn’t just a way to give back; it’s also an incredible opportunity for personal growth. Studies have shown that giving time and energy to the community not only provides you with feelings of happiness but can even improve your health! In addition, there are many different opportunities available in every corner of this country. From picking up litter at local parks to walking dogs at animal shelters. So no matter what type or how much free time you may have on your hands. Chances are you’ll be able to find something perfect for you.

#8 Do A Craft

If you need a break from the daily grind, try spending some time on your creative side. Whether it’s crocheting, photography or drawing. There are so many different ways that we can express our passions and get energized in return! Self-care is about spending time on something that helps you unwind and feel good.

#9 Yoga

If you’re a beginner at To yoga, a great way to start would be a 30-day yoga challenge. You could even make little goals each week for yourself.

If the idea of self-care sounds like a luxury or something you simply don’t have time for. Consider this: Self-care isn’t exactly easy — it takes work! Hard work! But the therapeutic benefits are worth your while in so many ways. Keep in mind that you don’t have to do something big; it can be as little as taking two minutes each day and breathing deeply or meditating on loving thoughts.

You will be surprised at how often people say, “I like to do that, too!” Self-care is an act of love you offer yourself. It’s a way to help reduce stress and anxiety in your life while improving your mood and help parents think more clearly.

Taking care of yourself is the act of doing something that makes you feel good. Whether it’s reading a book, shopping for new clothes, or going on a walk with your baby.

Practicing self-care isn’t always easy, and sometimes it feels selfish; but in reality, it can help reduce stress, boost your energy levels and improve your overall happiness! It’s essential because if we don’t take care of ourselves, we can’t care for our families. Self-care is something that everyone should make more time for because it helps moms be the best they can be! Self-care comes in different forms depending on what works best for you.

What You Should Do Next

Check Out These Articles

Peaceful Parenting Methods To Use In 2021

Daily Habits To Enhance a Parent-child Relationship

How To Repair Your Relationship With Your Child After You Yell

Subscribe To My Newsletter

Sign up for my newsletter and get weekly positive parenting tips to learn how to parent from a place of peace, love, and connection.

Follow Me On Social Media

Get daily parenting tips to help you become the parent you want to be, and be surrounded by other amazing mothers like you! Come and follow me on social media!

Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCeNkPxRvKsxqldf7XkLhTNg

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/karaferwerda_parentingcoach/

Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/dollarmommyclub/

TikTok: https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMeLnn1P1/

Learn More About Group Coaching

Do you want to dive deeper into your parenting journey and become the parent you want to be even quicker? Come and join me and other amazing mothers who want to learn how to become the parent they have always dreamt of becoming. You will be surrounded by love, support and will be able to make connections with other like-minded mothers.

Learning more by emailing me at dollarmommyclub@gmail.com. I look forward to hearing from you!

Stop Yelling At Your Kids Once And For All!

Do you ever feel like your child is giving you a hard time? We know that other people and even professionals have told you that it is wrong to yell at your kids. But we also know that sometimes it feels like the only thing you can do. It can be frustrating when children won’t listen and do what their parents tell them to do.

Many parents struggle with how to discipline their children. When you yell, it might work at the moment but can cause more problems later on.

Here are seven ways to help you to remain calm and stop yelling at your kids and what you can do instead!

Make sure to read this entire article so that you don’t miss anything! That way, the next time you feel like yelling at your kids. You stop and do what we share with you in this video instead.

Own The Problem

We all know that when we yell at our kids, it is a problem. But what if I told you that yelling was also a part of the problem? It’s not your child’s behaviors that make you scream and yell, but instead, it is your reactions to their behaviors. Let me explain.

Yelling is often a parent’s last straw to get their children to listen. When a parent’s expectation of what their child should be doing is not met. It can create a little emotional trigger in parents because their experience is not matching their expectations.

What can help you not yell?

Own The Problem

When a parent can own the problem, they get clear who needs to own or take responsibility for the problem. The best way to know who owns the problem is the person that is bothered owns the problem.

When parents yell at their children, the parents are the ones who are bothered. It’s not because their children are bad. It is they who are bothered by the situation and want it to change. Children most likely will not be bothered by what their parents are yelling at them for.

Most likely, children will not be bothered by their parent’s yelling.

Plus, yelling at children doesn’t solve anything since it doesn’t move the problem over to the child.

A child may understand that there is a problem because their parent is yelling, but they don’t own the problem.

So what can you do instead?

Start by identifying the problem that is bothering you. Come up with a solution to the situation in any way that will bring forth a positive outcome.

For example, if a parent yells at their toddler because they throw food on the food at mealtime. The parent is the one who is bothered, so they own the problem. They come up with a plan that involves telling their toddler that food goes in their mouth, not on the floor.

When their toddler throws food on the floor, the parent will calmly put them down. Then let them know that they can continue to eat their food when they are ready to eat it.

Understanding That Anger Is Okay

Most people get told while growing up that being angry is bad. That anger is a no-no. Parents feel guilty when they get mad at their children and often try to suppress the feeling or act on it unhealthy. It’s normal for parents to feel angry. Anger is okay, but working on the offense can be harmful to both parties involved.

Children don’t make their parents angry. Parents get mad within themselves. What makes parents angry is how they interpret a situation that makes them angry.

Of course, there are plenty of ways children can improve their behavior, but ultimately, it’s up to parents to choose if they will react to a situation by yelling or decide to respond calmly.

So how can parents express their anger without yelling?

Parents can do this by stating that they are angry right now.

Instead of yelling, parents may try to say, “I am feeling furious right now.”

Be cautious in how you say this and try to avoid saying, “you’re making me feel angry” Once again, children don’t determine how their parents feel. It’s okay to state your feelings but not blame someone else for how you think.

Saying this simple phrase can help parents break the cycle of yelling and find a more constructive way to solve their problems.

Avoid Getting Attached To The Outcome.

Parents want their children to behave and be cooperative. But, children don’t always cooperate with their parent’s wishes. When this happens, parents can become very attached to their child’s emotions and the outcomes of their behaviors, which makes them angry and causes a parent to yell at their child.

However, it’s not the best parenting technique as it causes more emotional damage for your child when you get upset and are yelling at them.

Not getting attached to the outcomes is simple, but it’s not always easy. To do this, parents need to ask themselves this question.

What is the reason I am yelling at my kids?

Parents may say that they yell because of their child’s behavior or their lack of responsibility. But it all comes down to their child’s behaviors.

What if parents took a step back and didn’t get attached to the outcomes?

They would be able to stay emotionally neutral and work through any situation with their child.

When parents can detach themselves from the outcomes, the problem is no longer the parent’s problem but their child’s problem.

Parents have no power or control to solve their children’s behaviors their children do. What can you do to prevent yourself from getting attached to the outcomes?

Come up with two alternatives, one alternative being the one you want and the other alternative being the one you control. Once parents can free themselves from the outcomes, they are no longer held hostage since they are okay with either option.

For example, Jamie is frustrated that her 12-year-old son doesn’t listen when she asks him to turn off the video games. She nags and reminds him, which often leads her to yell at him to turn it off.

When she yells, he finally listens and turns off the games. However, Jamie has watched this video because she doesn’t want to keep yelling at her son. Jamie learns that she needs to detach herself from the outcomes.

She comes up with a plan, and she sits down with her son to discuss the project. Jamie tells her son that he can turn off his video games every day by 5:00 PM or have them taken away for a week.

Now Jamie has freed herself from the outcomes because she is okay with either. Jamie no longer has the problem because she has lovingly placed the situation in her son’s hands.

Jamie is fine with either alternative because she has detached herself from the outcome.

Know Your Triggers

As a parent, you have triggers. Your little one’s tantrum might be the trigger that sets off your meltdown. One way to combat this is to know your triggers and work through them in healthy habits! As parents, we often become our children and let their emotions control us.

Knowing your triggers will allow you to identify them before they happen. Once you can recognize that a trigger has happened, then it becomes easier for you to manage it or avoid the situation altogether!

If you are not sure what your triggers are, you can easily recognize when you are triggered by paying attention to situations that bring about strong emotions.

Start to plan for the situations that trigger you. If you noticed that you get triggered before you have to leave your house. Prepare ahead of time by having your children get ready 10 minutes before you have to go. That way, when it’s time to leave, everyone is prepared to head out the door!

When feeling strong emotions, we often try to avoid them or fight back against what’s happening. Instead, approach these unexpected feelings with curiosity and listen. Look for clues about why they may have come up in the first place.

Don’t Teach In The Moment

One of the most important aspects of a healthy relationship with your children is communicating openly and effectively. Sometimes this can be difficult, which may lead some parents into yelling at their child out of frustration or anger.

You might think that getting angry would get your point across better than speaking gently. But shouting harms both you as a parent and them as listeners because it makes kids less likely to want to listen even more when they hear mom yell in Rage mode!

Shouting at our kids only ever leads to one thing: more shouting. It doesn’t matter if it comes from them or you–it never helps and always makes things worse.

The best thing parents can do is not punish or try and teach in the heat of the moment; why?

Let’s find out

It has a lot to do with the brain! If we take a brain and divide it into three sections, the brain’s lower area houses the flight or fight responses.

The middle area of the brain is where all emotions reside, such as anger, sadness, happiness, joy, etc. Lastly is the higher brain, and this area of the brain houses logic, reasoning, problem-solving, kindness, etc.

When a child or parent is emotionally charged (aka triggered), the higher brain shuts down, leaving both parties very emotional and unable to work through the situation peacefully.

Parents should NOT teach at the moment. They are wasting their energy when they try. After all, their children are not hearing what they have to say because they are too emotionally triggered to listen and process the lesson their parents are trying to teach.

What can you do instead?

Wait until everyone has had a chance to cool off. It can be hard to wait but think of the bigger picture. It’s better for your health and those around you if you exercise self-control at the moment. You will deliver a more vital message by waiting 5-10 minutes VS trying to teach at the moment.

Parent and child will be able to talk out the situation and develop a solution that teaches. With younger children, parents can remain calm while they explain behavior expectations and the consequences.

Give Pre Transition Warnings

If you are a parent, there is no doubt that getting out of the house can be difficult. Whether it’s just trying to get yourself ready with a baby on one hip and an older child tugging at your leg or trying to keep two kids occupied while you finish preparing lunch for everyone, many times we’re left frustrated and yelling.

Parents can get frustrated with their children when they demand attention from them right when they are in the middle of doing something. The same applies to children.

When a child enjoys the activity they are doing; it can be frustrating when demanded to stop what they are doing right this instant.

Which often leads to children throwing tantrums, arguing for five more minutes, or straight up ignoring their parent’s request.

What Can Parents do instead?

Parents:

-Give a warning before transitions. “Dinner is in 10 minutes. So please start getting your video game in a place to pause it, so you are ready by dinner.

-“5 more minutes at the park, and then it will be time to leave, so why don’t you pick one last thing you want to do before we leave.”

-“15 minutes before we need to leave for school. What do you need to do before we go?”

Giving pre-transition warnings allows kids to know what comes next in the sequence of events. It helps them to know when they need to stop doing something and when they need to start getting ready for a transition.

This also helps parents with transitions since it’s not the first time they have done this sequence. Which can help to reduce both parent and child being frustrated with each other during these transitions, which are beneficial for everyone involved.

Bonus tip: If you are a yeller, use these tips to help you not yell at your children. Try by picking 1-2 at first and get consistent with those first before trying more information in this video. Just by using 1 of these simple tips, parents will see massive results in their home and their relationship with their children.

What You Should Do Next

Check Out These Other Articles

How To Deal With Your Toddler’s Terrible Two Tantrums.

9 Ways To Help You Become A Better Parent 

Peaceful Parenting Tips: How To Be A Calm Mom

Subscribe To My Newsletter

Sign up for my newsletter and get weekly positive parenting tips to learn how to parent from a place of peace, love, and connection.

Follow Me On Social Media

Get daily parenting tips to help you become the parent you want to be, and be surrounded by other amazing mothers like you! Come and follow me on social media!

Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCeNkPxRvKsxqldf7XkLhTNg

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/karaferwerda_parentingcoach/

Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/dollarmommyclub/

TikTok: https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMeLnn1P1/

Learn More About Group Coaching

Do you want to dive deeper into your parenting journey and become the parent you want to be even quicker? Come and join me and other amazing mothers who want to learn how to become the parent they have always dreamt of becoming. You will be surrounded by love, support and will be able to make connections with other like-minded mothers.

Learning more by emailing me at hi@dollarmommyclub.com. I look forward to hearing from you!

11 Lesson To STOP Teaching Your Children

Parents want their children to grow up happy, healthy, and prosperous. They instead give a punishment. But how do we make sure our children grow up to be happy and successful? We need to start teaching them from a young age, so the lessons stick with them for their whole life – starting now! Here are some things NOT to teach your children.

Make sure to read the entire article because you don’t want to—lesson #8.

1. Mistakes are bad.

That’s what many parents teach their children, but it is the wrong way to think about mistakes. Teaching your child that making mistakes is a bad thing will only hurt them in the long run.

When a child has made a mistake, parents do at least 1 of these 4 things.

Positive Reinforcements: It means that a parent rewards their child with something they want, such as a new toy, clothes, or even an ice cream cone.

Negative Reinforcements: When a parent punishes their child for making a mistake, it could be taking away something like TV time or not going out and playing with friends.

Positive Punishment: When a parent punishes their child by making them do something they don’t like. Such as doing extra chores or having to write an essay on what they did wrong.

Negative Punishment: This is when parents punish their children by not giving them anything that they want. For example, if your child wants to play video games and makes a mistake, their video game time is taken away.

Parents tend to use either 3 or 4 to punish their children for the mistake they made.

It’s important to note that research has shown that children who get punished learn how to avoid punishment and not learn from their mistakes.

So what can be done instead of punishing your child when they make a mistake. First, it’s essential to understand that errors help children learn and grow.  Secondly, you can teach your child how to handle the error they made and not let it happen again.

Mistakes are an opportunity for a parent and their children to learn from what went wrong in the situation. That way, they can adequately understand how to handle future problems that come up.

Finally, the best way for a parent to help their child learn from mistakes is by teaching them what went wrong and how they can fix it in the future and move on with life. That’s one of the essential lessons a parent can teach their children.

2. They Shouldn’t Express Their Emotions

Parents get overwhelmed when their children express their negative emotions. Which can lead parents to say “stop crying” or “stop making a sense”  It’s ok for their children to tell how they feel! They often do not know what to do or say when this happens, so they find themselves in a difficult situation.

When a parent’s child is distressed, the parent usually focuses on the punishment instead of the behavior. The behavior is inconvenient to parents so rather than figuring out what is causing them to be upset, and they give a punishment instead.

This type of response can have a significant impact on children. It can #1 Teach a child that they are the ones who are deficient. #2 That you should feel shameful about express any negative emotions. #3 That their parent’s feelings are more important than theirs.

It may lead to a child not trusting in their parents or any adults in their lives, which can cause children to bottle up their emotions until later they explode because they can’t keep it in any longer.

When children bottle up their emotions, it can lead to anger issues, entitlement, low self-esteem, and they may even start to feel depressed.

Parents should remember that their children’s feelings are as important as theirs.

What to teach instead is

Encourage children to find more appropriate ways of expressing emotions that are not so disruptive for others or don’t harm anyone else’s needs.

Children cannot process their emotions healthily and constructively, so negative emotions get expressed in destructive ways.

You may also encourage your children to play creatively, which can also help get out pent-up emotions.

Just because you accept your child’s emotions doesn’t mean you get their behavior.

Validate their emotions and work with them through the situation. Suppose they are throwing a tantrum or fussing in public. Take them to a quiet place and sit with them until they are calm.

You must work with your child to get them out of the negative state and back into a positive one.

3. Don’t Be A Tattle-Tell

Children get told that tattle-telling is something they should not do. It can drive parents up the wall because they feel like their child is constantly trying to get someone in trouble.

But, the truth is that tattle-telling can be done in the proper context and has some benefits to your child. Telling someone who is doing something wrong or harmful to others gives them a chance for redemption. It also helps parents understand what their child needs from them as well as keeping everyone safe.

Tattle-telling drives parents crazy. Because tattle-telling presents a problem, they instead give a punishment—leading parents already have enough issues to deal with that they don’t want to deal with another.

Children who tattle tell are asking for your help with a challenging situation. Learning how to work out a problem effectively takes lots of time, practice, and guidance. Children aren’t born knowing how to solve problems, so they tattle to get when with a problem help when faced with a problem.

So the next, your child comes tattle-telling to you instead of blowing it off or getting mad at them. Try being empathic towards what your child is saying. Yes, they may not be the most reliable source of information. But that is where you can help each party figure out a solution to their problem.

The better children get at problem-solving, the less tattle-telling to do.

4. Sharing Is A Must

Parents encourage their children to share toys and play with other kids, but sometimes this isn’t the best idea. When children share against their will, they develop negative associations with sharing and the person they are to share with.

Sharing is a skill that many adults take for granted, but it’s not always so easy to grasp the concept when you’re just starting. Young children have trouble understanding what others are feeling and cannot see things from another child’s perspective—leading them to be selfish or mean-spirited with their sharing habits. Forcing your toddler into situations where they need to share doesn’t teach social skills. Instead, this may send messages we don’t want our toddlers believing about themselves and may even increase how often tantrums happen!

No one, even adults don’t like to share their personal belongings. It can cause your to feel anxious and nervous if the borrower is going to take good care of your item or if they are ever going to get it back and, if so, when.

Children get very possessive over their toys. It may seem like no big deal to an adult, but it is a massive deal to a child when forced to share a toy.

So instead of focusing your child on sharing his toy. Teach them how to make sharing fair by trading or find ways they can both play with the same toy.

To help avoid your child growing as a people-pleaser, the child needs to learn how and when they can say no. Or they may spread themselves too thin, always trying to please others.

5. You are love, if…

Many parents have such high expectations that their children feel like they have to behave a sure way to feel loved and accepted. Can lead to resentment, confusion, and anger.

Children should feel and know that they are loved no matter their behaviors or the emotions that they express. It’s good for parents to set age-appropriate expectations for their children. But they need to make sure that their children’s efforts don’t go unnoticed.

It is crucial not only for parents but also other family members (like grandparents) who may be involved in raising a child from birth, understand this concept too! When you love someone unconditionally, there will never be any questions about how much you care for them.

6. That Children Must Always Obey

Children are going to disobey at times, but that doesn’t mean you have to give up. Parents and children both need to work together for the child to want to obey. Sometimes if a parent is too strict or demanding, it can lead to the child not obeying.

Asking a child to do something is always better than being demanding.

Children want to be respected, and they need space for their own choices sometimes, too, as long as the parent provides the necessary boundaries. Children will want to obey because they know what’s expected of them when there isn’t any confusion about rules or expectations. If you’re concerned with your child not wanting to listen, then try making sure he knows why he’s being asked to do things so he can feel like his thoughts matter too.

7. Asking question is annoying

Don’t you just love it when your kids ask questions? But sometimes, parents teach their children an unintended lesson – that asking questions is wrong or annoying. But it’s okay for their children to ask questions! I know it can be annoying at times, but the truth is that they are learning and trying to figure out how the world around them works.

Suppose your child asks you a question that you don’t know or you are unsure about. Instead of giving the typical “I don’t know” response, try saying, “That’s a great question; let’s find out together!”

Suppose you are getting tired of all the questions. It’s okay for YOU to say that you no longer want to answer questions for a time. But what about the times where it’s just one question after another?

If your child can write, you may even want to suggest that they write their questions down so that the both of you can go over them at a later time.

8. Laziness is unacceptable

It’s important to teach our kids that relaxation is part of a healthy lifestyle. Sometimes they need the chance to slow down and enjoy life, but it can be hard when parents constantly push them in one direction or another.

Children don’t need to have jam-packed schedules. Being too busy robs children of the opportunity to be with themselves. Giving children downtime helps with three things.

Helps children with emotional regulation and destressing

It helps children be more creative

Independent Play

Unstructured downtime is not only necessary for kids but adults too. To be a well-rounded person, children need time alone. Parents should give them when they can because it will make the child more independent in life and people skills are very important.

9. You’re wise if you get good grades

If we teach children that their level of intelligence is measured solely by their grades, then we aren’t teaching them to be good at other things. And if they are really into sports, art, music, or dance- those can also serve as an outlet and help build confidence too! It’s easy to encourage kids with this in mind: Einstein said, “if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live thinking for the rest of its life that it is stupid.”

Most children need encouragement, so they stay motivated enough about school and get good grades. However, when children get good grades, they may start to associate good grades with success.

Instead, parents should teach their kids to work hard to gain knowledge but not get wrapped up in getting good grades.

An alternative to grades may be a growth mindset. Parents can encourage kids to adopt this by praising the effort, not necessarily intelligence and good qualities.

10. It’s Important To Fit In

There’s a lot of pressure on parents to want their children to fit in. They don’t want them to be an outcast or get bullied by other kids because they are different. But what happens when your child doesn’t fit in? That’s the question that many parents ask themselves.

Peer pressure is expected as young people try to figure out their identities, and it can seem like fitting into the mold with everyone else is the only way for them to get through life.

But life’s not all sunshine and rainbows. Being unique has its perks; being different allows us each our own identity that makes up society at large: which means we’re important! Sometimes parents worry when they see their kid struggling to fit in. Still, instead of encouraging them to do what everybody does or liking what everybody likes. We should teach kids how strong individuality is by reinforcing uniqueness within themselves every single day.”

11. They Can’t Always Get What They Want

It’s never too early to start teaching children that they can’t always get what they want. It may seem like a harsh lesson, but it is one of the most important ones we will ever teach them! The sooner kids learn this lesson, the better off everyone will be.

Studies have shown that parents are spending more and more money on their kids every year! The total amount of money parents spend on their children has increased by 40% over the last decade.

The significant problem is that it teaches kids that they are entitled to everything and don’t need to work hard for what they want in life! They grow up never realizing how quickly things can change or how important it is to save money for more important things in life.

Before you go and buy something for your child, first decided if the item is something your child needs. Saving money doesn’t make you a bad parent.

It’s important to teach children to be responsible with money and use money as a tool and not for entertainment. Is it okay to buy and toy or treat occasionally? Of course, but don’t overdo it.

You want to build a relationship with your children based on the essential things rather than strictly having a transactional relationship with your children.

What You Should Do Next

Check Out These Articles Below

Peaceful Parenting Tips: How To Be A Calm Mom

9 Ways To Help You Become A Better Parent

4 Peaceful Parenting Methods To Use In 2021

Subscribe To My Newsletter

Sign up for my newsletter and get weekly positive parenting tips to learn how to parent from a place of peace, love, and connection.

Follow Me On Social Media

Get daily parenting tips to help you become the parent you want to be, and be surrounded by other amazing mothers like you! Come and follow me on social media!

Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCeNkPxRvKsxqldf7XkLhTNg

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/karaferwerda_parentingcoach/

Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/dollarmommyclub/

TikTok: https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMeLnn1P1/

Learn More About Group Coaching

Do you want to dive deeper into your parenting journey and become the parent you want to be even quicker? Come and join me and other amazing mothers who want to learn how to become the parent they have always dreamt of becoming. You will be surrounded by love, support and will be able to make connections with other like-minded mothers.

Learning more by emailing me at dollarmommyclub@gmail.com. I look forward to hearing from you!

9 Ways To Help You Become A Better Parent

Parenting is an ongoing learning process. There are many things we don’t know and even more that we can’t predict. As a parent, it’s easy to get caught up in the day-to-day busyness of life and lose sight of what’s essential. Most parents want to know if there’s something they could have done better. To learn more about how you can become a better parent today.

Read the entire article to make sure you know the steps to help you reach your potential as a parent!

1. Avoid Comparisons and Labels

It’s hard to be a parent in the 21st century. With new and evolving technology, constant changes in society, and more pressure than ever before, your child will succeed. It can seem near impossible to teach them good manners. So how do you go about doing this? And what should you do when confronted with a toddler who is acting out at a restaurant?

It can be easy to compare your children to others around you or ones you know very well. “Tamy’s baby is crawling at six months, but my little Ashley, who is seven months old, has no interest! Is something wrong with her?”

Dr. Karp, the author of The Happiest Toddler on the Block, says, “It’s important to consider who your child is, and not just his age. For instance, if your child is shy and quiet, it may be that he’s not inclined to talk—not that he can’t.”

Don’t compare your child to others. It’s natural for a parent to want their child to be as accomplished and high-achieving as possible. But comparing children doesn’t do any good—in fact, it can backfire if the comparison is harmful or oppressive.

“A person who compares themselves with another will generally feel worse about themselves,” warns Dr. Mellissa Fahlman of Psych Central.

Labeling someone also does no favors: Remember that labels are words, not an accurate description of who people are. One label, in particular, you should avoid at all costs? Picking on behavior that may seem irrational but has a purpose behind it (such as tantrums).

Do you know the old saying “don’t judge a book by its cover”? Well, when you’re talking about kids and their labels, that’s important too. Labels and comparisons can be damaging for children. “Our smart little cookie,” you might say of your child who always has straight A’s. Even labels that are meant to praise your children’s different and unique abilities can be harmful.

If one sister is the dancer, then it means that the other sister will never try her best because she’s too afraid to fall short in comparison.

The same goes for saying things such as “You’re so messy.”

Sure, there’ll be times when you find yourself describing stuff you like and dislike, but to a child, they are taking on the label and tend to live up to the label.

Don’t limit what your kids may do later in life by the labels in which parents give.

2. Teach Self Regulation

Rebecca Jackson, Vice President of Outcomes and Programs at Brain Balance Achievement Centers, explains that our body shifts into fight or flight mode when someone becomes agitated. “In these moments,” she says, “our brain is focused on the present moment and cannot reason.” It can take up to 45 minutes for a person’s mindset after an argument (or tantrum) has calmed down. Giving punishments or consequences should be avoided in heated situations.

Children co-regulate their emotions to match their parents. Suppose a child’s parent was remaining calm in a heated situation. That child could bounce back much quicker—parents who stay calm can guide the discussion without yelling or getting upset.

Dr. Gabor Mate says, ” You’re not permissive, but you’re also not demanding that the child suppress their feelings to be in your presence. And this is how self-regulation happens. Not by you mustn’t yell, you mustn’t cry, you know what I am saying, this kind of punitive and accusatory stuff. React against his anger. All you are teaching is self-suppression which is not the same as self-regulation.”

The parent who can regulate their emotions will feel more relaxed, calmer, and have a steadier influence. The best way for parents to teach children self-regulation skills is by modeling these skills themselves.

3. Let Your Child Make Mistakes

Children are exploring the world around them. They want to know what is out there, and they want to see it for themselves. Parents want to protect their children from harm, but in doing so, they often interfere with their child’s natural learning process.

Children must make mistakes that will allow them to explore and learn without their parents interfering.

You may be watching your 2-year-old son building a tower. As soon as he places the next block on top, you know that the whole thing will come crashing down. So you stop him from adding another block by explaining that his tower will crash down to the ground if he adds another block.

Research shows this lesson is better learned than explained because it allows children to feel their frustrations while knowing what not to do wrong in the future.

It is crucial to protect children against harm, but they will never learn for themselves if they can never make mistakes.

Mistake helps children understand cause and effect. They wouldn’t grasp the concept if their parents always jump in to save them.

Children need to be able to make mistakes for them to learn how not to do something wrong. Children must have space where they are free of parental oversight to explore themselves and figure out what they like and dislike.

So next time, Instead of jumping to help your child avoid making a mistake. Resist the urge and observe the situation. Plan how you will teach your child the lesson of their mistake while providing emotional support.

6. Look Beneath the “Bad” Behavior

Every parent has experienced their child’s “bad” behaviors. Whether it is a tantrum, whining, or talking back to an adult, these behaviors can be frustrating for adults and children alike. But what many parents don’t realize is that there are underlying reasons for this bad behavior.

From shouting tantrums to whining, your child’s “misbehavior” is often an expression of a lack of control over their emotions. When your child has a meltdown, he is not trying to manipulate you, but they cannot control their emotions.

At the moment, it may be difficult to understand why your child is behaving uncharacteristically.

But when you take some time and look beneath your child’s “misbehavior,” there will often be a deeper reason for what caused this behavior.

The first step in correcting any lousy behavior is understanding why it’s happening in the first place. Once you know how to react with empathy and patience, they can begin to change this misbehavior into more appropriate behaviors.

Next time your child has an outburst, instead of reacting with frustration or anger. Try taking some deep breaths to help bring your emotions neutral before responding.

7. Be An Example

Being a parent is not easy. You have to do so many things that don’t come naturally, and it’s hard to learn how to be a good one from scratch. It can be difficult for parents when they’re trying to figure out how much discipline their child needs. Or if they should let them watch TV all day or limit screen time.

Children are mirrors, and they do, say, and act like their parents. It can be frustrating and hard for parents because if they don’t want their children to do something, they shouldn’t do it.

So when the parents themselves feel guilty over the example, they are setting for their children. It can be difficult for them to teach their children anything different.

8. Praise Your Childs Efforts

Parents, do you want your child to grow up feeling loved and appreciated? One way is to praise their efforts. Praise doesn’t have to be a verbal response, either. As they complete tasks or exhibit behaviors that are exemplary. Parents can show their appreciation by telling them how proud they are of the work they put in.

It is not always easy to see the good things your children do. Our brains are wired to find fault and to focus on the negative. Your two children could have been playing and getting along together very well. Until fighting and arguing broke out, and their parents get after them from their fighting.

The parents deal with their children fighting and feel like all their children do is fight. But 10 minutes ago the two children were playing very well together.

It’s important to take the time to notice and acknowledge when your children get along, do something when they are told, or show actions of responsibility.

The most effective praise is praising a child’s efforts. For example, you may say something like, “Wow, honey, it looks like you worked hard on your art project. I see that you used green, blue, and orange with lots of circles. You must be so proud of yourself!”

Praising your child’s efforts when appreciating them for following the rules will lead to children continuing to want to do good and obey!

9. Teach values, Not rules

Rules are not enough to teach children the values that they need in life. They also need love, support, and encouragement. Parents and children will stick to and follow the rules better when family values back them. As opposed to arbitrary “rules,” family values provide a framework that is more likely to be followed because it has meaning.

Rules without values often seem pointless or lacking in purpose, leading both parents and children to disengage with them. Yet, if parents take time from their busy days for teachable moments. Such as teaching kids about respect- then the rules become much easier for everyone involved to follow.

The key to teaching values and following rules is to make sure that the family communicates their shared values instead of laying down arbitrary rules without context. Parents can display their values through modeling, conversations about expectations, and work in partnership with children; in this way, parents will set clear expectations for themselves and honor their family values.

What You Should Do Next

Check Out These Articles

 Peaceful Parenting Methods To Use In 2021

Daily Habits To Enhance a Parent-child Relationship

How To Repair Your Relationship With Your Child After You Yell

Subscribe To My Newsletter

Sign up for my newsletter and get weekly positive parenting tips to learn how to parent from a place of peace, love, and connection.

Follow Me On Social Media

Get daily parenting tips to help you become the parent you want to be, and be surrounded by other amazing mothers like you! Come and follow me on social media!

Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCeNkPxRvKsxqldf7XkLhTNg

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/karaferwerda_parentingcoach/

Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/dollarmommyclub/

TikTok: https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMeLnn1P1/

Learn More About Group Coaching

Do you want to dive deeper into your parenting journey and become the parent you want to be even quicker? Come and join me and other amazing mothers who want to learn how to become the parent they have always dreamt of becoming. You will be surrounded by love, support and will be able to make connections with other like-minded mothers.

Learning more by emailing me at hi@dollarmommyclub.com. I look forward to hearing from you!

Peaceful Parenting Tips: How To Be A Calm Mom

Are you tired of being on edge all the time? Do you feel like a bad mom because you’re always distracted and frazzled? So much of our lives revolve around being a mom, and we often forget about our own needs – not just for sleep or food but also for mental health and self-care. 

If you wish to become calmer as a parent, then this video is for you. We are going to talk about how moms can be calm parents by doing these 10 things. Make sure to keep watching because you don’t want to miss tip #5.

1. Take Time To Refuel

From the moment you wake up until your head hits the pillow at night, it is go go go. Your schedule is jam-packed with to-dos such as taking the kids to school, soccer practice, dance practice, helping with homework, making dinner, and the list goes on and on. But before you go into a deep sleep, how do you refuel? You finally arrive home, exhausted and ready to crash.

A good way to relax is by taking time for yourself. Take time to refuel multiple times during your day. This means giving yourself a 5 or even 10-minute break to relax, breathe, and reset. 

Doing this will help neutralize your energy and release any pent-up stress you may be caring about so that you can be calm throughout your entire day! The time allows you to relax instead of resorting to Netflix binges when things are tough. This allows you to go back into caring mode without feeling resentful about what needs to be done. This is beneficial for yourself, but it’s also good for the family because everyone will be happier in their own space.

2. Put Down The Phone

When it comes to parenting, moms can be their own worst enemy. As we try to juggle our careers and our families, the temptation of checking out by logging onto Facebook or scrolling through Instagram is just too great at times. Studies have shown that electronics can increase a stress hormone found inside our bodies called Cortisol.

This hormone is like an alarm system within your body, and it works with the body that controls our mood and other things such as fear and motivation.

The problem is that when we are in this state, it’s next to impossible for you to be at your best as a mom. It is easy for moms to feel overwhelmed by their responsibilities, such as balancing work life and home life while taking care of their kids. Mom’s don’t need the extra added stress of their phones. So during the day, put down the phone and take a few deep breaths, and take time to be with yourself without a phone.

3. Get More Sleep

Sleep deprivation is a major problem for mothers. We are so sleep-deprived that we can’t remember the last time we got a good night’s sleep, and it really shows in our day-to-day lives. When you don’t get enough sleep, your mood drops, your energy levels plummet, and you become less patient with everyone around you – especially your children. It doesn’t have to be this way!

The first step in getting a better night’s rest is by going to bed earlier or taking power naps during the day! Try this for at least one week before deciding if it works for you! It will make such a big difference in how calm you are throughout your day with children.

4. Wake Up Before Your Kids

Waking up before your kids seems like a daunting task, but it can actually benefit both you and them. You’ll have more time to get ready in the morning and avoid rushing to get out the door on time. Wake up early enough so that you can exercise or read a book while your children are still asleep, which will help calm down any anxiety you may feel as a parent.

This will also set a good example for your children. They’ll see that it’s important to get up early and be productive, which may lead them to follow in those footsteps!

If you’re struggling to find time to get up early, set a reminder on your phone or start getting into the habit of setting the alarm. You’ll soon notice that it becomes easier and more natural as you wake up every morning before your kids!

Plus, when you have some time to yourself before facing your day, you will be more calm and confident as a parent.

5. Discover Your Triggers

We all have triggers that can affect our moods, emotions, and behavior. The problem is that most parents don’t know what their triggers are, so they never get to work on them.

The first step is identifying the three biggest things that set you off or make you feel negative emotions like anger, sadness, fear, etc. You’ll do this by listing all of the feelings that you are feeling. For example:

I feel ________, when  _______.

Anger: When I asked my children to do something, they didn’t listen to me. 

– Sadness: When I cannot fully enjoy time with my children because they have a meltdown.

– Anxious When there is a lot of chaos in the house, it’s hard to find things or keep up with everything that needs to be done.

Once you’ve identified your top three triggers, identify what needs of yours are not getting met.  An example of a trigger could be that you feel anxious because there is a lot of chaos in the house. You may be having a hard time trying to find things and keep up with everything that needs to be done. The need that isn’t getting met could be that you’re feeling out of control.

The next step would be figuring out why this particular need isn’t being met and how to meet this need while still respecting your children’s needs.

When you can identify your triggers, what needs are not getting met, and meet your needs, you will find that you are much calmer as a parent because you can prepare yourself before you become triggered.

6. Don’t Take Things Personally 

It can be easy to take things personally when your children do or say hurtful things as a parent. It is important to understand that this is not their intention. They are just reacting to big emotions, and they don’t always know how to handle them in the best way possible.

It is tough to manage your children’s behaviors if you feel personally offended by their misbehavior.  It is important for parents not to take things personally to avoid the pitfalls of believing that their children are trying to hurt them on purpose.

This doesn’t mean shoving your feelings down inside or ignore inappropriate behaviors. Still, parents can not effectively discipline, come up with punishments, or enforce other consequences when riding this crazy strong ride of emotions.

What can help parents when they’re faced with these difficult situations? Parents need a plan! A strategy, if you will.

First, try using humor as much as possible when your child might feel emotional or start to show behaviors that could become problematic (i.e., whining). This may sound silly at first, but it helps defuse some pressure from both parties involved before it gets too intense.

Second, walk away from the situation if you can and take time to cool off before addressing the situation.

Most importantly: Don’t take anything personally! It doesn’t matter if they’re mad at you because you won’t let them play with electronics after dinner. It also doesn’t matter if they want something and know deep down that you have no intention of giving in — kids say mean things all the time without meaning it (even though we feel those words deeply). The best thing you can do as a parent is to let go of your ego long enough to realize this lesson yourself.

7. Simplify

Overscheduling and clutter can create a ticking time bomb. Having too many items on your to-do list or having way too much stuff, such as toys, can make parents and children feel very anxious.

To simplify your home, schedule, and life so that you and your children will feel calmer! You can do this by taking a look at your day and see what is not necessary and either remove it from your schedule completely or limit how often this item needs to be done.

Second, look around your house and get rid of what you no longer need. A good rule of thumb is if you haven’t touched it or used it once in the last 6 months, throw it out.

The same goes for toys. There was a study done from the University of Toledo in Ohio, and it suggests that having too many toys can reduce the quality of a child’s play and that having fewer toys can actually lead to a child having a more focused and deeper play experience because they are engaging in more creative and imaginative ways. 

Third, set your intentions to be calmer and more present in the day-to-day. The key is simplicity. When you simplify your life, you will be calmer and happy as a parent raising calm and happy children.

9. Nourish YOUR NON-MOM IDENTITY

As a mom, it’s so easy to get caught up in “mom” mode. You’re always on the go with your kids, and you never have any time for yourself. But what happens when you finally find that precious free time?

Your mind goes blank because all of the things that come to mind are only related to being a mom, and none of them are about who you were before becoming one. That can be really hard on moms because they start feeling like they don’t know themselves anymore without their kids around constantly.

Make time to do something that you used to love or still love but seem never to have enough time for it and don’t feel guilty about doing something you love, such as joining a book club, scheduling a night out with friends once a week, joining a dance or art class. Do something you love outside of “mom” mode because you are much more than just a mom!

You deserve it!

Nourish YOUR NON-MOM IDENTITY

What You Should Do Next

Check Out These Blog Post:

How To Deal With Your Toddler’s Terrible Two Tantrums.

How To Teach Children To Solve Problems

4 Peaceful Parenting Methods To Use In 2021

Subscribe To My Newsletter

Sign up for my newsletter and get weekly positive parenting tips to learn how to parent from a place of peace, love, and connection.

Follow Me On Social Media

Get daily parenting tips to help you become the parent you want to be and be surrounded by other amazing mothers like you! Come and follow me on social media!

Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCeNkPxRvKsxqldf7XkLhTNg

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/karaferwerda_parentingcoach/

Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/dollarmommyclub/

TikTok: https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMeLnn1P1/

Learn More About Group Coaching

Do you want to dive deeper into your parenting journey and become the parent you want to be even quicker? Come and join me and other amazing mothers who want to learn how to become the parent they have always dreamt of becoming. You will be surrounded by love, support and will be able to make connections with other like-minded mothers.

Please email me at dollarmommyclub@gmail.com

How To Deal With Your Toddler’s Terrible Two Tantrums.

You probably are not doing at least one of these tips with your toddler and it could be resulting in your toddler having huge and very frequent tantrums. 

The terrible twos are a normal developmental stage for young children but it’s often a very difficult phase for many parents to get through since the terrible twos can start around 18 months old and last until the age of 4.

During this phase, toddlers are undergoing some massive developmental changes such as walking, running, jumping, stacking blocks and so much more. When toddlers are trying to do something that is challenging their abilities such as talking or sharing a favorite toy. They are unable to communicate what they are feeling with words so they do it in their actions. Young children struggle to be able to express their needs and wants which is very frustrating and can lead to outbursts and tantrums.

 You can successfully stop your toddler’s terrible two tantrums by following these 10 tips outlined in this article.

1.Meet Their Needs

Children between 18 months old to 2 years old don’t have an advanced enough vocabulary to explain what is bothering them. Even children ages 3-4 years old are still learning how to express with words what they are feeling or thinking. When children can’t express their thoughts, feelings, needs, or wishes this leads to a child throwing a tantrum. 

Imagine that your toddler has an attention bucket and a control bucket. When these buckets get low it causes toddlers to throw tantrums as a way to refill their buckets. You want to fill your toddler’s buckets with as much positive attention and age-appropriate control every day so their buckets stay full longer and the frequency of the tantrums decreases. 

When parents can discover the need that is not getting met such as the need for independence, attention, or control. Parents are more likely able to solve the problem and meet their child’s needs before it escalates into a huge tantrum. If your toddlers’ need for attention is not getting met they may act out as a way to get your attention. If this is the case with your toddler. Try to calmly address your toddler, offer a hug or kiss, and set a timer so that when the timer goes off your toddler will know that you will be able to give them your full time and attention. 

2. Don’t Give In To The Tantrum

Giving in to a tantrum may stop it temporarily which leads many parents to continue to give in to a  tantrum believing that is this solving the tantrum. The truth is that giving in to your child’s tantrums only causes them to throw tantrums more often since in the past they have gotten what they want by throwing a tantrum. 

Parents who give in to their toddlers’ tantrums may find themselves trapped in the negative attention cycle. This cycle is when a toddler does something to get what they want or their parent’s attention such as throwing a tantrum. The parent gives what their toddler wants because it stopped the tantrum before. Then when the toddler wants something again what do they do? Right they throw a tantrum! 

Soon the toddler learns that throwing a tantrum is a pretty good way to get what they want from their parents. So they continue to do this over and over leaving parents trapped in this negative attention cycle. 

If you find yourself stuck in this negative attention cycle there is a way out! What you can do instead is by breaking the pattern and avoid giving in to the demands of your toddler by taking a deep breath, responding calmly, and standing firm on the limit. 

3. Give Warnings 

Nothing is more frustrating to a parent when they have somewhere to be and their toddler throws a huge tantrum. It is normal for children to get very involved in their world or the activity they are participating in that they need some help to break away from what they are doing. It can be very frustrating to a child when they are demanded to stop doing what they are doing, therefore, resulting in a tantrum. 

The best way to prevent a tantrum from occurring before you have to be someone is to plan ahead. Physically go to where your toddler is at, get down to their level, and explain using simple phrases what is going to happen in 10 minutes from now. As time goes on give your toddler a 5 minutes, 3 minutes, and 1-minute warning before you have to leave. 

This allows children to start mentally preparing themselves to stop what they are doing so that when it is time to leave they don’t throw a tantrum and you can leave on time!

4. Honor Naps

Many children until the age of 2.5 to 3 years old need at least 1 nap a day. When children miss their nap it can make children very irritable and emotional which tends to lead to more frequent tantrums. 

Parents can reduce tantrums when they can plan activities or outings around their child’s nap time. 

However, If you are not able to have your toddler take a nap at home. Make sure to bring some items that they normally sleep with such as a white noise machine, blanket, and favorite stuffed animal to help make them more comfortable if they need to take a nap in an unfamiliar place. 

5. Say “yes” More Often

Children just like adults do not like being told “no” all day long. Constantly telling a child “No” is going to create more tantrums. Start by paying attention to how often you tell your child no and then try to find ways to say yes more often. 

Let’s say that your toddler asked for a popsicle in the morning but the rule is that they can have a popsicle after lunch. Instead of saying “no” you may say “Yes, you may have a popsicle after you finish your lunch.” This way you are not directly telling your toddler No you are saying Yes while still honoring the rules. 

Plus it is way more fun to say “YES rather than NO!

6. Give Away A Small Amount Of Control

We all like being in control of certain aspects of our lives. Children are no different. Children often throw tantrums as a way to gain some sort of control. Parents can significantly decrease how often their toddlers throw tantrums by allowing their children to have some control in their life.

This can be accomplished by offering 2 choices that you are okay with so no matter which of the two choices your toddler chooses you are both happy and satisfied. 

This may look like this. Do you want to put on your right shoe first or your left shoes, do you want me to brush your teeth or do you want to, do you want the blue cup or the green cup, do you want to play with cars or with blocks?

Doing this will allow your toddler to have some control and independence in their lives that they don’t try to gain control by throwing a tantrum.

7. Praise Good Behavior

When children are praised for their good behavior it tends to lead children to continue doing the good behavior. No one likes feeling like they are always in trouble or are doing something bad, so start putting extra effort into noticing the good things your toddler does.

This can easily be accomplished by getting down to your child’s level, look them in the eyes and say  “Thank You” when your toddler puts away their toys when you ask! Giving a child a sincere appreciation can boost their confidence, self-esteem, and sense of self-worth. 

Look for the good that your toddler does and make sure their efforts don’t go unnoticed. 

8. Let The Tantrum Work Itself Out

Since toddlers and other young age children don’t quite have the vocabulary to express themselves they tend to express their feelings by throwing a tantrum. As tempting as it may be to stop the tantrum. STOP and allow the tantrum to work itself out. 

You may calmly move your child to a quieter place but still allow the tantrum to flush out of their system. Parents may find that when they let the terrible two tantrums work themselves out that their toddler will be calmer and more cooperative.

9. Help Them Work Through Their Emotions

Toddlers are not capable of working through their emotions by themselves therefore they need the help, patience, and understanding of their parents to help them. One of the best ways parents can help them work through their emotions is by doing these 5 steps

1.Use empathy 
2.Recognize what sparked the tantrum (My toddler is mad because she wanted to wear her Elsa dress to the park)
3.Use short phrases to put their feelings into words ( you are mad mad mad because you want to wear your Elsa dress to the park.) 
4.Use A compassionate tone of voice
5.Redirect 

10. Remain Calm

Toddler tantrums can be super triggering to a parent which can cause the parent to yell, spank or put their toddler in time out. If you have done these things as a parent you are not a bad parent! Learning how to be a positive parent takes daily consistent practice and it’s okay if you have slip-ups every now and then.

When parents can learn how to have enough self-control to remain calm during their toddlers’ tantrums they will find it much easier to address their toddlers with empathy, patience, and love. 

The best way that parents can help them remain calm during their toddler’s tantrum is to take a deep breath before responding to their toddler. When parents react to their emotions towards their toddler’s tantrums it can lead to their toddler  

What You Should Do Next

Subscribe To My Newsletter

Sign up for my newsletter and get weekly positive parenting tips to learn how to parent from a place of peace, love, and connection.

Follow Me On Social Media

Get daily parenting tips to help you become the parent you want to be, and be surrounded by other amazing mothers like you! Come and follow me on social media!

Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCeNkPxRvKsxqldf7XkLhTNg

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/karaferwerda_parentingcoach/

Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/dollarmommyclub/

TikTok: https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMeLnn1P1/

Learn More About Group Coaching

Do you want to dive deeper into your parenting journey and become the parent you want to be even quicker? Come and join me and other amazing mothers who want to learn how to become the parent they have always dreamt of becoming. You will be surrounded by love, support and will be able to make connections with other like-minded mothers.

Learning more by emailing me at hi@dollarmommyclub.com. I look forward to hearing from you!

How To Teach Children To Solve Problems

The basic method to use to help children learn how to solve problems is actually pretty simple. You state the problem, encourage them to come up with some solutions, and then encourage them to pick a win-win solution. If your child can’t find their shoes or their homework, or they’re having a conflict with a sibling or friend, teaching children to solve problems is key to helping children learn how to manage their life.

Back in 2010, there was a study published in Behavior Research and Therapy. This study found that children who lacked problem-solving skills were at higher risk for depression. Teaching children problem-solving skills or teaching them how to have these skills actually improved their mental health. Just like any and all adults, children face a variety of challenges and problems every single day.

When children are unsure of how to solve a problem, they may invest their energy avoiding the situation instead of working through it. A great time to actually start teaching children these problem-solving skills is around preschool age. Then it will continue all the way up through their high school years and beyond. So here’s how to help your children work through problems.

Here is how to teach children to solve problems:

Step 1: State The Problem

This may sound like, “I hear some upset voices. It sounds like there may be a problem,”

or “I see that you’re struggling with your homework. It seem like there may be a problem that you’re stuck on that you don’t know how to get through. Is that correct?”

“You’re feeling sad because you don’t have anyone to play with at recess.”

“You’re feeling upset at your brother because he keeps knocking over the towers that you’re building.”

Step 2: Restate The Problem

Not only does stating the problem help you, as a parent, but helps you to understand the situation better. It also helps your children to feel heard and validated. Third is to invite your child to come up with some win-win solutions. You want your child to brainstorm at least three to five suggestions on their own. Now, if they’re feeling stuck, feel free to offer some suggestions.

Now, it’s important to not give your child the answer that or the suggestion that they should do. This is a time for your child to see that there are loads of creative solutions that they can try.

Step 4: Write Down All Suggestions

When I mean all suggestions, I mean, yes, even the silly or ones that seem way too far-fetched, write them all down. You may write these down on your phone or get a piece of paper and a pencil. Really anywhere where you can easily write down suggestions.

This step is super duper important because it helps children to visually see possible solutions and it helps them to own the process.

Step 5: Pick A Solution

For this step, you’re just going to go down the list of the suggestions that you wrote and encourage your child to pick one.

Step 6: Test Out The Solution

You want to encourage your child to try out the solution that they picked. If they see the solution that they picked didn’t work for the situation, encourage them to pick another from the list. Now hear me out. I know it’s probably super duper tempting to just go ahead and solve the situation for your child, or just pick the one on the list. However, really try to step back and allow your child to explore these different solutions and try it out for themselves.

This is especially true for young children who are just learning the basics of problem-solving and developing the skill. Oftentimes we, as parents, know what the right answer is. We know how to solve it and we just want to jump in there and do it. That’s partially due to the fact that our brains are actually wired to solve problems.

Final Thoughts

When your child is faced with a challenging situation or problem, walk your child through these six steps, and over time they will actually start doing it themselves, but they need you as guidance to start them off on the right foot.

Feel free to offer guidance and assistance where you see that your child may be feeling stuck. And like I said, over time, your children will actually start to do this process for themselves. They will not need you to be there to guide them through every situation or challenging problem that they have.

Trust in this process and trust in your child as they develop these problem-solving skills.

What You Should Do Next

Subscribe To My Newsletter

Sign up for my newsletter and get weekly positive parenting tips to learn how to parent from a place of peace, love, and connection.

Follow Me On Social Media

Get daily parenting tips to help you become the parent you want to be, and be surrounded by other amazing mothers like you! Come and follow me on social media!

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/karaferwerda_parentingcoach/

Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/dollarmommyclub/

TikTok: https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMeLnn1P1/

Learn More About Group Coaching

Do you want to dive deeper into your parenting journey and become the parent you want to be even quicker? Come and join me and other amazing mothers who want to learn how to become the parent they have always dreamt of becoming. You will be surrounded by love, support and will be able to make connections with other like-minded mothers.

Learning more by email me at hi@dollarmommyclub.com. I look forward to hearing from you!

5 Steps To Have An Empowered Conversation With Your Child


Is there a situation with your child that has shown up time and time again, maybe you’ve tried to lecture your 12-year-old about the hours they spend playing video games, or that your teen keeps coming home way past curfew, or maybe that your toddler does not listen over and over no matter how many times do you ask them to listen?

It doesn’t matter how many times you’ve lectured or told your child about something over and over again, they still don’t listen. It can be so aggravating!

I understand and if situations like this or others have come up constantly in your home. I want to let you know that you are not alone!

Here are 5 steps to have an empowered conversation with your child.

First, I want to address what it means to have an empowered conversation? This might not be something that you’re familiar with or have heard before. So I want to give you a brief overview of what an empowered conversation actually means.

Having an empowered conversation provides such a powerful medium for change! We, as parents can change how we have conversations with our children and we can yield amazing results in their behaviors and their attitudes towards certain boundaries, values, or just the way that your family works.

I like to think of empowering conversations as you’re coming to someone that you are having difficulty talking to, or there’s a kind of hard situation or something that you’ve been noticing in your family or something that your child is doing a lot such as playing video games.

You’ve asked them, lectured them, took away privileges but their behavior, their attitude is just not changing. In a situation like this, having an empowered conversation would be super important. You come into this conversation with curiosity, I like to think of empowering conversations as empathetic conversation, which means you’re coming to the situation stating something that you’ve noticed.

You’re not coming with judgments or any blame or shame you are leaving that at the door. This empowering conversation that you have is going to empower both you and your child or whoever is in the relationship that you’re trying to have this conversation with.

Just remember that you’re coming with curiosity, with empathy, and wanting to learn more about why they’re doing certain things.

Step one: State Your Intention

Intentions are so incredibly powerful and they hold a lot of value. When coming to a conversation or maybe a difficult conversation with someone is your intention. Your intention is how would you like this conversation to go. When you state your intention, you were really creating a whole new vessel on how you want your conversation with your child to go.

So when you’re stating your intention, your mindset is to clear something up or to gain a better understanding.

“Hey, I’ve noticed that we’ve been playing video games a lot. Sometimes when I asked you to turn them off, you backtalk, you get really angry and you don’t listen.”

That is stating your intention. You want to make it super clear to your child, where you’re coming from and a great way to start stating your intention with your child is by saying, “Hey, I’ve noticed…”

“I’ve noticed that you’ve been coming home past curfew a lot lately. My intention for our conversation is to clear up the reason why you’re coming home late and what boundaries we can put in place that we both agree on.”

Step Two: Take Responsibility For Your Part

Taking your responsibility for your part means you apologize by saying “I apologize for not having this conversation sooner. I’ve been dodging the conversation and I’m sorry for not addressing.”. You’re not trying to place blame or force them or anything, but you’re taking responsibility for your own actions for not addressing the conversation.

Step Three: State Your Feelings And Your Needs

If feelings aren’t talked about or dealt with in your home, that’s okay! This may take some practice, but that’s okay because you’re not perfect. Nobody is. This time takes time and it takes to process. It’s not a one-and-done, okay. It takes some time for you and your child to get used to talking this way to one another and expressing feelings and needs might take you some time to tap into what you’re feeling, same with your child but don’t give up!

This does take some practice. Stating your feelings and needs may sound like this. “I feel really frustrated when I asked you to turn off the video games and you keep ignoring my request, my need for cooperation, really isn’t getting met in those moments. I still really want you to enjoy playing video games and I don’t want to take that away from you. However, when it comes time to turn them off, I want to figure out a way that you and I can both be happy with.”

You want to listen through all these steps to what your child is saying as well, because they may even want to state what their feelings are needs are about the video games or when you ask them to turn it off, what they’re feeling, and what they’re needing during those moments. This is a time for you to both take turns, listening and being empathetic towards one.

Step Four: Offer Empathy For The Other Person’s Feelings.

In step three, you just opened up the doorway for vulnerability. I know that can be uncomfortable to deal with at times, same for your child, but when you’re stating your feelings and needs, it opens up and clears the air. It sets everything on the table so that you guys can come up with a win-win solution.

So in this step, step four, you’re offering empathy towards your child’s feelings.

So you may say something like, “I imagine maybe you feel really frustrated to what I asked you to turn off the video games because you just got into a game or you want to finish it up.” or maybe you say, “I imagine you feel really annoyed when I am constantly reminding you to turn off the video games again.” Listen to what your child is saying.

Step Five: Make A Request

DO NOT SKIP THIS STEP! A lot of the time when we have these empowered conversations, we go through the first four steps, but we leave the fifth step. And the fifth step is the most important because you’re asking you’re requesting a change of win-win solution that you and your child can both be satisfied and happy with. When you’re making a request with your child. The one sentence that does super well is asking,

“Would you be willing?”

“Would you be willing to turn off your video games after five o’clock?”

“Would you be willing to come home by 11:30 pm on the weekends?”

“Would you be willing to put away your toys after you’re done playing with them?”

This is laying down the groundwork for clear communication between you and your child, what you guys can gain plan a win-win solution moving forward. What if you ask them, “would you be willing to clean up your toys after you’re done playing with them?” and they say no, that’s okay!

Come up with suggestions and write them down. Maybe it could be, mom helps you clean them up. You could play a game and race to clean them up, whatever it is to come up with a win-win solution. One of the best ways you can do that is to write down suggestions, suggestions that you give, and suggestions that your child gives.

Then go through the list together on what you guys can both do on what you guys can both agree on for this win-win solution. Not only is this way of communicating super effective with your children, but also with other relationships and adults in your life.

What You Should Do Next

Subscribe To My Newsletter

Sign up for my newsletter and get weekly positive parenting tips to learn how to parent from a place of peace, love, and connection.

Follow Me On Social Media

Get daily parenting tips to help you become the parent you want to be and be surrounded by other amazing mothers like you? Come and follow me on social media!

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/karaferwerda_parentingcoach/

Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/dollarmommyclub/

TikTok: https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMeLnn1P1/

Learn More About Group Coaching

Do you want to dive deeper into your parenting journey and become the parent you want to be even quicker? Come and join me and other amazing mothers who want to learn how to become the parent they have always dreamt of becoming. You will be surrounded by love, support and will be able to make connections with other like-minded mothers.

Learning more by emailing me at hi@dollarmommyclub.com. I look forward to hearing from you!

4 Ways To Help Your Firstborn Adjust To A New Sibling

Congratulations you’re expecting baby #2! Either you have just found out about a new little baby, you are halfway done with your pregnancy, or just had the baby. No matter where you currently are with baby #2 you want to set yourself, your family. and you’re firstborn up for success. You may have dreamt about your firstborn’s excitement about their new sibling and how their friendship will evolve over the years. With all this excitement you maybe also have so many questions such as how to help your firstborn adjust to a new sibling?

Are they going to get along?

How am I going to meet everyone’s needs?

What is life with 2 going to be like?

How can I help them bond during the pregnancy?

Am I planning to wean my oldest or tandem nurse?

How are they going to react once the baby is born?

Will my firstborn get over the “I only want mommy” phase before the baby arrives?

How is my child going to be when I leave to go have this new baby?

No matter how young or old your firstborn is, they’ll have some adjusting to do when their new brother or sister comes into their world. I want to say it straightforward now so you are surprised later (and hopefully you already know this) but when there is more than 1 child there is going to be sibling rivalry.

Sibling fighting is common in family households even in peaceful parenting homes and it can be challenging to manage when parents aren’t armed with the right tools! As a parenting coaching/educator I constantly see the challenges parents face when it comes to dealing with sibling rivalry. Being able to help parents gain the right tools and teach them how to use the tools correctly, helps parents eliminate sibling rivalry in their home.

Nothing is more rewarding or joyful to a parent than to see their children laughing and playing together, and with these tips and more parenting tools, you can put an end to sibling squabbles (at least mostly for good anyways!) and help your firstborn adjust to a new sibling. We all know what were everyone is happy in the home that day goes by so much smoother!

What Is Sibling Rivalry & Why Does It Happen?

To better understand sibling rivalry we need to look at it from your child’s perspective. Your oldest child all the way up until baby #2 is born they have had all your time and attention. When they asked you for a glass of water you got it right then. They didn’t have to share their toys or their time with anyone.

Then their brother or sister came alone and WAM a complete stranger comes into their lives and they are supposed to love them, share mom & dad, toys, attention, love, time and now when they ask for you to play they have to wait until you finish feeding the baby or when they want to play catch with dad they need to wait until dad has finished changing the baby’s diaper.

As each kid gets older they start to want the same toys, the baby is not such a baby anymore and they start to become more independent and don’t want to be bossed around by their older sibling.

One of the best examples I have read that really helps to put yourself in your oldest shoes is from the book Siblings Without Rivalry by Adele Faber. I want you to really imagine that it happened to you! That way can really see how it feels being in your oldest shoes. Here is the example:

Your spouse puts an arm around you and says, “Honey, I love you so much, and you’re so wonderful that I’ve decided to have another wife just like you.”

When the new wife arrives you see that she’s very young and kind of cute. When the three of you are out together, people say hello to you politely, but exclaim ecstatically over the newcomer. “Isn’t she adorable! Hello sweetheart… You are precious!” Then they turn to you and ask, “How do you like the new wife?”

The new wife needs clothing. Your husband goes into your closet, takes some of your sweaters and pants, and gives them to her. When you protest, he points out that since you’ve put on a little weight, your clothes are too tight on you and they’ll fit her perfectly.

The new wife is maturing rapidly. Every day she seems smarter and more competent. One afternoon as you’re struggling to figure out the directions on the new computer your husband bought you, she bursts into the room and says, “Oooh, can I use it? I know how.”

When you tell her can’t use it, she runs crying to your husband. Moments later she returns with him. Her face is tear-stained and he has his arm around her. He says to you, “What would be the harm in letting her have a turn? Why can’t you share?”

One day you find our husband and the new wife lying on the bed together. He’s tickling her and she’s giggling. Suddenly the phone rings and he answers it. Afterward, he tells you that something important has come up and he must leave immediately. He asks you to stay home with the new wife, and make sure she is already.

How did you feel while reading that example? What thoughts ran through your head? Do you now have a better understanding of what your firstborn is feeling and dealing with?

Young children aren’t able to express or say how they feel with words so they express it by misbehaving. They refuse to share, pushing, hitting, yelling, and biting are what comes from feelings that are acted upon (Misbehavior) because they simply don’t know how to communicate big feelings with words.

How Can I Avoid Sibling Rivalry From Happening?

Now you can’t stop or avoid sibling rivalry completely, but you can reduce how often there are sibling squabbles. Even adults get into arguments and disagreements from time to time. Reducing the frequency of sibling arguments leads to more peace and harmony in your home!

Here are 4 ways to help your firstborn adjust to a new sibling that you can do today to help reduce sibling squabbles and start forming a positive relationship.

1. Loving Each Child As Their Own Unique Individual

 I never fully understood the phrase” Every child is different” until we had baby #2. Everything was different the second our little man was born. Sure there were differences in each pregnancy but it didn’t fully hit me until our second was born. Not only was he completely different from his older sister, but I had to learn how to have our own unique relationship with him just like I had to do with our oldest.

Every interaction you have with your new baby is laying down the foundation of your relationship and connection. As time goes on you will come to find that you have a powerful and loving relationship with baby #2 like you had with the firstborn-but different, because each child is completely different.

So what does this mean for sibling rivalry?

No matter the questions, fears, and concerns you have about welcoming a new baby into your home and hearts, you can and will totally love your second child just as much as your firstborn.

Each child needs to feel loved, values, and seen, but because each child is different and unique that means that each child needs different things from you to feel loved.

In the book The 5 Love Languages Of Children by Gary Chapman and Ross Campbell. They talk about how everything depends on the love relationship between and parent and child.

“By speaking your child’s own love language, you can fill his “emotional tank” with love. When your child feels loved, he is much easier to discipline and train than when his “emotional tank” is running near empty.”

When parents can solve their child’s unmet needs, their behaviors will take care of themselves.“- Lisa Smith

Love each child in the way they truly feel loved, so that they know that their needs will always be met. When this happens their siblings will become blessings instead of burdens or threats to their love. Once each child knows that no matter what their siblings get, that there is always an abundance of love for them.

2. Setting Your Child Up For Success

The relationship between your children doesn’t start once the new baby has arrived. Their relationship starts the second you tell your firstborn that they are going to be a big brother or sister.

What is the best way to tell them?

How can you help them bond before their sibling is born?

If you have already told your child, that’s okay! You can still follow these steps to help set them up for success. Here are some ideas that you can do to help start their bonding before the new baby is born.

1. Read books that have siblings in them (The Berenstain Bears are my favorite for this)

2. If your firstborn is older. Ask them questions such as…

Do any of your friends have little siblings?

What would you like to do with your sibling?

Would you like a brother or a sister?

3. Role-playing scenarios! Role-playing has massive benefits for children. It helps them to start adjusting to the idea of having a sibling before their sibling arrives. Even if baby #2 has already arrived you can still role-play, because role-playing also helps children to work through their emotions.

You can role play with lego people, dolls, stuffed animals, or with each other acting out different people of the family.

4. Have them help you set things up for the new sibling

When a firstborn gets to help it makes them more excited to welcome their new sibling. Talk about baby names together, take them to doctor’s appointments, have them pick which toys they would like to give to the baby, let them help you decorate the baby’s room, have them read books to their unborn sibling, etc.

Keep in mind to not make everything about the baby. Your child doesn’t really understand what it’s like to have a sibling until they arrive. They may seem super excited at first until the baby arrives then there may be some disinterest. That is normal and while you can be super excited and talk about this new baby, and how excited you are to see your firstborn become a big brother or sister. Don’t go overboard and act like this is the most important thing in the entire world because to them it’s not.

3. How To Support Your Child Emotionally As They Come A Big Sibling

That love-hate relationship between siblings is real. Yes, they will be playing happily together and then 3 minutes later they will be fighting. As your child goes from being an only child who got everyone’s attention, time, and love. To share that with someone they don’t really know yet is a very big transition!

Supporting your child emotionally is going to help make the transition smoother and will help your firstborn adjust to a new sibling. The first thing to understand is that your pregnancy is stressful to your child. The reason is that you aren’t as energetic, patient, or capable as you used to be. There is less room on your lap, you can’t go down the slides (at least very well anymore), you can’t chase them around the house very fast and they are worried about what life will look like for them with a baby in the house.

In most if not all families there is some sort of added stress. That may be moving into a different house, potty training, going to a new school, transitioning from a crib to a toddler bed. All of this can be super stressful to your child so expect some acting out or regression.

If there are any big changes that need to be made before baby #2 arrives. Do it well in advance! That is because your child needs time to adjust without associating change with the new baby.

During pregnancy and even once the new little one arrives don’t overfocus on the baby. When there is so much focus on the baby the firstborn will become resentful and may have resentful feelings towards their new sibling. So when questions about the new baby are asked towards your firstborn and they aren’t sure what to say. It’s okay to change the subject!

One of the best pieces of advice I can give is to make sure your child knows that they still are important and have a place in the family. That is because up until now they have been the baby and when a new baby arrives they can feel displaced so to help with these feelings help your child to feel seen, heard, important, and valued.

4. When Your Child Is Having A Hard Time Adjusting

There are going to be days where your child seems to be having a hard time and is having very mixed emotions about their new sibling. That is okay! This is a very big and sometimes stressful transition for everyone.

There are going to be things that you can’t do the second your child requests it and they may have to express their big emotions about that because before the baby you could do what they requested within seconds. Here are 2 scenarios to demonstrate how to help your child when they are having a hard time adjusting.

Scenario #1: You are nursing the baby and your child want’s you to play legos with them

Instead of ” I can’t play right now because I am feeding the baby.”

Try: “I can see you are feeling frustrated because you would like me to play legos with you right now. It may seem like I am with the baby a lot huh? I understand…Would you like to pick out your favorite book and come snuggle up to me? There is always enough room for you and I can read it while I’m feeling the baby? Then after the baby is done eating why don’t we play some legos together while she sleeps.”

Scenario #2: The baby is crying and you are holding them and bouncing to help soothe them and your firstborn child comes and asks to be held to and they start crying and pulling at your shirt.

Instead of: “Honey, I am can’t hold you right now. The baby is crying and I am trying to calm her down. Once she calms down then I’ll hold you okay?”

Try: “Everything feels hard right now, doesn’t it? It feels hard to me too right now. Here let’s sit on the floor together and I can hold you both.”

Final Thoughts

All the adjusts that come for everyone when you welcome a new baby are challenging. There will be good days and bad days because it takes time to help you’re firstborn adjust to a new sibling. Keep in mind to be patient as you and your children learn these new strategies.

No matter the age between your children they are going to start learning conflict resolution which is a very advanced skill and takes time to learn (there are even some adults who still struggle with conflict resolution!). When you use these strategies in place you can make the transition for everyone much smoother.

Don’t be surprised if you have gone a few days or even weeks without much sibling rivalry challenges and then they start back up again. Kids are constantly seeking their parent’s attention and look for any opportunity to insert their power. You may take two steps back and one step forward from time to time. That is often a good reminder that there are some things that need attention.

If you would like more tips or 1 on 1 help. Schedule a free compliantly call with me personally and we can chat about any sibling challenges that you are facing and how to tackle them so that you can have harmony in your home once more!

Best of wishes on your parenting journey!

Follow Me

165FansLike
224FollowersFollow
1,863FollowersFollow
245SubscribersSubscribe